Do you remember going into the new school year and thinking about the previous senior class that graduated? You can’t believe it when an entire year goes by since they’ve been gone. Then it become two years and then three. Then you graduate and suddenly it’s been six years. Yeah, don’t blink. Seriously. A special thanks to Facebook for showing me my memories and making me feel like an old fart.
May 2012
I couldn’t help but reflect on my life and think about what I’ve accomplished since then. And honestly, it hasn’t been much. I didn’t achieve any of my goals that I had set for myself during my senior year of high school. I wanted to become an ultrasound technician, which is a total of four years of college. I thought that by the time I turned 22, I’d have it all: a college degree and an amazing job that paid well.
A little insight. My dad moved my whole family to Palestine after my first year of college so we could learn the language and the culture. Lol @ his timing. I continued college through online courses, but there were only so many classes available and there were classes that I had to be there in person for. Fast forward one year. I get engaged! At this point, I’m planning for my new life in St. Louis. I was so excited to move there and go back to school. Another year goes by and I get married and move back to the US with my new husband. I started school again and was back on track. Then I got pregnant and didn’t go back to school the next semester.
We moved to Georgia and had our beautiful baby girl, who is now two years old. Life in Georgia was kind of chaotic. Going back to school wasn’t an option. But I felt the need to make use of my time and to do something productive. I started an Etsy shop! It mostly started out as a hobby and just to help keep my sanity while being a new stay at home mom. A few months pass and we moved again. We moved to Arkansas just before Besma turned one. It’s been a year since our last move and it feels nice to be settled. I adopted the title of ‘work at home mom’ and I recently found out that I’m pregnant with baby #2!
So here I am at 24 years old, a pregnant stay at home mom with no college degree or dream job. I started looking at my old peers’ social media accounts to see what they had been up to. So many of them were successful college graduates who already had their lives set up. Feelings of failure began to set in. Everyone my age had become something. What did I become?
I quickly snapped myself out of that poisonous way of thinking. Why was I comparing myself to these people? Why do we create this idea that we have to do things by a certain age? Life isn’t a race. A college degree shouldn’t define my self worth or my intelligence. We all face different trials throughout our lives. We’re human. Life doesn’t happen the way you plan, and thank goodness for that. I’m married to the most amazing man and we have a beautiful baby girl who, albeit drives us up the wall, but is the absolute light of our entire lives. And now we’re going to have two! I am beyond blessed. I feel so guilty for feeling and thinking the way that I was. I’m thankful my life didn’t turn out the way I wanted it to when I was a senior in high school. I’d still love to go back to school and become an ultrasound technician, but my motivation and intentions would be different this time. Who knows, maybe that’s something I’ll accomplish in the future. And this time I’ll have my babies cheering me on! But for now, I’m enjoying being able to work from home and just cherishing the moments I have with my Besma.
Besma is gonna be a big sister!